


Kidnapping is Not(t) Fun

by GeminiMoon14



Series: The Woes of a Goblin Girl (or How Does Nott Keep Getting into Trouble?!) [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bonding, Explicit Language, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Kidnapping, Mighty Nein as Family, Mind Control, Still don't know why that isn't a tag, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 07:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24467095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeminiMoon14/pseuds/GeminiMoon14
Summary: This was a load of bullshit! Why did they have to be the good guys and help this crazy freak? Fjord and Nott both swore if they made it out of there, they were drinking until they couldn’t think anymore and destroying this lunatic’s tower together.
Relationships: Fjord & Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett & Nott & Mollymauk Tealeaf & Caleb Widogast & Yasha, Fjord & Nott (Critical Role), Fjord & The Mighty Nein, The Mighty Nein & Nott
Series: The Woes of a Goblin Girl (or How Does Nott Keep Getting into Trouble?!) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767250
Kudos: 43





	Kidnapping is Not(t) Fun

This was a load of bullshit! Why did they have to be the good guys and help this crazy freak? Fjord and Nott both swore if they made it out of there, they were drinking until they couldn’t think anymore and destroying this lunatic’s tower together.

It started as a fairly normal encounter, they were on the road when they spotted a woman on the side of the road. Wanting to be considerate they pulled over and Fjord called out, “Excuse me, ma’am! Are you alright?” The cloaked woman looked at him, her eyes lighting up in delight, as she replied, “Perfectly fine, especially with such fine people here now.” Her mouth curved into a pleased smile as she asked, “Would you mind terribly accompanying me to my home? There’s been an awful lot of people going missing in this area lately.” Jester popped up and declared, “We can totally keep you safe from dangerous stuff, we’re practically heroes!” Her smile grew wry as she told the tiefling, “Then I’ll be safer than I ever have been.” 

Fjord cleared his throat as he offered, “Would you like to ride in our cart, ma’am? It’ll probably speed things along so you can get home lickety-split.” She took his offered hand and seated herself beside Nott in the cart. The woman gazed at the goblin girl with her disguise in place and commented, “I’ve never seen someone with such bright eyes like yours.” 

Nott gave her a wary look as she asked, “Really?” The stranger’s smile turned back into one of delight as she replied, “Yes, most people I meet are too plain to even think of spending time with but you strike me as someone who’s absolutely unique.” Nott shifted so that she was a few inches further from their new passenger, who seemed to take no offense.

As they followed the path the woman directed them onto, she talked of the people she had met and remarked, “Never have I encountered such a colorful group and I can’t believe how lovely you all are.” She focused her gaze onto Nott and continued, “Especially you, my dear. I have never met a goblin who was so beautiful and civil. Most of the time they attack people but you are no normal goblin.” The Mighty Nein gave her varying expressions as the woman’s hand reached towards Nott’s face. Before she could make contact, Fjord stopped the cart and announced, “I think we’re here, ma’am. This the place?” 

The woman retracted her hand as she looked up and told them, “It is, thank you.” They saw a giant stone tower with a cone shaped roof, it spiraled upward for a couple hundred feet into the air. Fjord offered her his hand once more as he helped her exit the cart, becoming confused when he felt her grip tighten around his hand and she whispered, “ _ Would you care to join me? _ ” 

Fjord’s face went slack as a warm feeling entered his brain and he followed her. She turned to Nott and asked, “ _ Would you like to come in for a drink? _ ” She felt the other presence creep into her mind as she shook it off and fired a bolt at the woman. She ducked out of the way and hissed, “You should have listened.”

The others were about to draw their weapons when Fjord put himself between her and the rest of his team. She smirked at the group as she taunted, “He’s mine now. Hope you weren’t that fond of him.” Nott released another bolt that glanced off her side and tore through her cloak. She hissed and spat at the goblin, “ _ Get over here now! _ ” 

Nott felt the presence in her mind once more shortly before it overpowered her and she found herself running towards the building. The woman glided ahead of her as their friends fired at the woman. She laughed and called back, “Haven’t you heard?! There’s been an awful lot of people going missing in this area lately!” As soon as Nott and Fjord had set foot inside the tower, the door slammed behind them and a rune over the handle lit up. Alone with them, the woman placed a hand on Nott’s cheek and used her thumb to caress her cheeks as she commented, “You really do have such beautiful eyes and you both have exceptionally beautiful green skin, I think I’ll keep it for myself.” 

Outside the tower, the others were examining and attacking the tower. Beau and Jester walked around the outside and examined the walls for secret openings, weak points, or places to climb. Caleb set himself in front of the door as he looked at it for magical presence. When he used his Detect Magic, the tower lit up with arcane energy. He winced and averted his gaze and waited for the others to arrive.

When Beau and Jester had finished their inspection, Caleb told them of the powerful energies surrounding the tower and asked, “ _ Was ist _ the plan?” Molly, gaze narrowed at the structure, turned to the group and stated, “We don’t know how much time we’ve got or what she wants to do, so let’s get to work.”

Inside, Fjord and Nott were bound and no longer under her influence. Fjord was bound with heavy manacles that seemed to prevent the use of magic; whereas Nott was simply tied with rope and a cloth gag. She spewed profanities into her gag and shot the mage dirty looks. Fjord inched closer to Nott, the movement awkward with his hands behind his back, as he attempted, “What is it you want with us?” The mage turned away from her books and watched the half-orc struggle as she told him, “I’m a collector, much like your little friend there, except I like my trinkets alive. You two happen to be such lovely shades of green that I simply couldn’t resist.” 

At her use of the word ‘trinkets’ Nott growled out what would have been an especially nasty curse that set the woman on edge. She glared at Nott, who glared right back with a fiery determination in her eyes. The woman’s blonde hair fell into her pretty face as she waved a hand and the ropes on Nott tightened uncomfortably. 

She let out a muffled yelp as the ropes attempted to strangle her, the coarse material biting into her skin, and bit into the gag. Fjord fought against his binds and demanded, “Cut that out! You’re hurtin’ her!” The woman put a hand on his cheek as he resisted and told him, “That's the point, my dear.” She smacked his cheek as though he was simple, hard enough to bruise, and continued having her rope crush Nott’s tiny form.

Fjord strained against the shackles behind his back and on his ankles, desperately trying to fight their captor. She laughed at him as she shoved him onto his back and closed her hand into a fist. The cuffs lit up with arcane influence and sent a searing pain through his body, the intensity causing him to spasm. The mage grinned in twisted delight as she cackled, “Know your place! Should have just stayed quiet. Now look where you are!”

Eventually she grew bored, the ropes went back to how they had been, and the woman left them, kicking Fjord as she went just because he could not defend himself. Nott let out a few quiet coughs as she laid on the ground and tried to get her breath back as Fjord shuffled closer and asked, “Are you okay?” She shot him a look that made him flinch and mutter, “Sorry, stupid question.” She rolled her eyes before trying to sit up, keenly aware of how he was trembling. 

Fjord saw this and tried to help by offering his body as support. Despite her arms, wrists, and ankles being bound, she managed to get herself propped up. Once she was sitting and leaning against the wall, Fjord whispered, “Wanna see if we can get that gag off?” She raised a brow at him before she leaned forward towards his hands. He turned his back to her so his hands would be closer.

It took a bit of maneuvering before he managed to tug the gag out of her toothy mouth and she let out a sigh of relief. He turned himself back so he could see her and questioned, “Feeling a little better?” She shot him a look as she answered, “If we get out of here I’m kicking your ass.” He chuckled and commented, “At least I know you’re okay.” She huffed and tried to wriggle loose. The ropes stayed where they were and she cursed, “Dammit! They got some kinda magic-y bullshit! I can’t get loose!” 

Fjord furrowed his brow as he asked, “What do you think she’s planning?” She glared at the door and grumbled, “Probably some creepy ass magic thing. I bet Caleb would know.” Fjord sighed and whispered, “Yeah he’s good at that sorta thing.” Nott preened as she told him, “That’s cause Caleb’s super smart and the best with magic.” He chuckled under his breath and agreed with a soft, “Yeah, your boy is.” 

They sat there for a few minutes before Nott asked, “Do you think they’re coming for us?” Fjord’s gaze softened as he replied, “Definitely, Jester’s your best friend and Caleb would destroy this whole place if anything happened to you.” Her eyes narrowed as she told him, a steel edge in her voice, “Jester likes you too and Beau gets along with you pretty well.” He ducked his head in embarrassment as he mumbled, “It’s nothin’, Jessie likes lotsa people and I’ve known Beau a little longer than some of you.” 

Nott growled as she announced, “Nope! None of that bullshit! You're attractive and nice when you want to be so, don't you dare talk down to yourself!”

“But-!”

“Nope!”

“Nott!”

“I’m not listening!”

“Will you cut it-?!”

“Still Nott listening!”

“Was that a pun? Right now?”

“Maybe…”

Fjord felt himself let out a little chuckle at how ridiculous the situation was. The chuckle turned into laughter as he choked out, “You are ridiculous.” She smiled as she shot back, “Your face is ridiculous!” He snorted and his body shook with laughter, jostling his chains as he did so. Nott’s smile was full of pride as she joined in the laughter.

A few moments later, they were catching their breath on the floor of an empty room in the tower. As they sat there, Nott commented, “It’s taking them a long time to get us.” Fjord shrugged, sensing the unease creeping into her voice, and told her, “You know they are, Jester’s probably looting the crazy bitch and she and Beau are playing with her stuff.” 

Nott started snickering quietly and Fjord asked, “What’s so funny?” Nott tried to keep her laughter in check as she giggled, “Jester stealing her rings and reorganizing the room.” Fjord sat there and pictured it, Jester taking her rings off while sticking her tongue out at the woman’s corpse and shifting the furniture around. The image made him start laughing again as he wheezed, “She’ll probably try to put her bed on the roof somehow.” Nott’s laughter grew louder and he continued, “Probably going to try locking her outside in her underwear like she did to that one guy.” Nott’s form shook with mirth as she told him, “Cut that shit out, I can’t breathe!”

Outside, the sun was nearly ready to set while Caleb, Jester, and Yasha stood in front of the enchanted tower. Molly had his swords readied and Beau was already in a defensive stance as he called out, “Ready... Now!” On his mark, they all released Dispel Magic and cut through the enchantments. Caleb’s spell deactivated the outer barrier, it was followed by Jester’s which got rid of the alarm, and Yasha’s sword dispelled the rune holding the door shut. 

The members of the Mighty Nein rushed in, on guard for anything waiting to attack them. Thankfully they caught the mage off guard as she screeched, “What is going on down-” That was as far as she got when a Firebolt slammed into her and Caleb shouted, “Take that you, gruselig Fick!”

From where they sat, Fjord and Nott heard a loud booming noise and the shattering of glass. Fjord shifted so that he was in front of Nott as she shouted, “What the fuck was that?” Fjord glanced around the room for any change in their surroundings as he informed her, “I don’t know for sure but, it might be the others.” Her ears perked in joy as she asked, “Really?! Should we call out for them?” He kept his eyes trained on the door as he replied, “Let’s wait a bit before we announce ourselves. Make sure it’s safe before we call attention.” Nott huddled against the wall and whispered, “Okay, okay. I can do that.”

A few minutes passed in tense silence when they heard a voice shout, “FUCK YOU, YOU HORRIBLE BITCH!” There was a loud slam that shook the building followed by an equally loud, “I HOPE YOU ROT IN THE ABYSS!” Nott shrunk behind Fjord as he protectively grabbed at her hand, their backs pressed against each other, and he whispered, “I’m here, it’s gonna be okay.” She whimpered as the tower shuddered a bit more like someone was pummeling it and he tightened his hold.

It was pitch black in the room they were in, the only light that had made its way inside had come from the hall outside the room. As they were now, pressed back to back in the dark, Fjord felt the urge to reassure Nott and asked her, “You holding up alright?” She shuddered as she shakily replied, “I really wish I could reach my flask.” He barked out a laugh and said, “When we get out of here, you and I are going drinking. Just us and the others are paying!” He felt her tremors lessen as she agreed, “Yeah, and then we’ll destroy this place with the crazy bitch inside and light it on fire!” Fjord grinned as he told her, “Now  _ that _ sounds like a plan.”

A few minutes later, they heard footsteps running up the stairs. Fjord was blocking any view of Nott as they waited. The door rattled as muffled voices drifted in. There was a moment of intense quiet when a familiar voice called out, “Fjoooord! Noooott! Are you guys in there?!” The rigidness subsided as Fjord called out, “We’re here Jester! You guys alright?!” There was a scoff behind him and from the other side of the windowless door as Beau called out, “Seriously?! You got fucking kidnapped by a crazy lady and you’re asking about us?!”

He smiled at the familiar voice as the door burst of it’s hinges and landed in the middle of the room. Yasha strode towards them and murmured, “That looks painful.” He shook away her concern and told her, “Help Nott first, she tried to crush her.” Caleb ran into the room and shouted, “She what?!” Nott winced at the worry and anger in her voice as she retorted, “Fjord got zapped hard by those chains! His whole body was shaking!” Caleb walked around Fjord’s larger frame and saw her small body hidden behind him and their hands clutching one another’s.

Jester entered the room, looking torn about who to help first when Nott told her, “She also smacked him and shoved him on the floor.” The blue tieflings expression grew hard as she laid her hands on him and huffed, “I’m glad I smashed her ugly face into her stupid tower.” Nott’s ears perked up as she asked, “That’s what was shaking the tower?!” Yasha kneeled next to Nott, Magician’s Judge in hand, and started to carefully cut through the rope.

Jester’s cheeks flushed purple as she replied, “She really, really pissed me off, okay?!” Fjord smiled as the warm feeling of her healing magic soothed his wounds and said, “Must have been a hell of a thing to see.”

Beau grinned, unlocking his restraints with a key she must have taken from the mage’s body, and said, “She called her a bitch and sent her flying against the wall face first.” Caleb held Nott out to Jester, who was already shifting her focus onto the goblin girl’s injuries, and informed them, “Molly was the one who finished her off. He took her head right off.” Nott smiled brightly and her eyes lit up in admiration as she exclaimed, “I wish I could have seen her stupid face before you got her!” 

Fjord slowly got to his feet, Beau and Yasha providing support, and asked, “Who was pounding on the wall so hard we could feel it up here?” Beau smirked and replied, “You could feel it? Damn we’re good!” Yasha returned the look with a soft smile on her lips as she agreed, “We are total...bad-asses is the word, right?” The others nodded as they helped carry their friends down and out of the tower. Caleb clutched Nott and Yasha slinging Fjord over her shoulder, Jester skipping gently down the steps behind them.

Once outside, Fjord glanced up and started laughing loudly. The others startled while Nott looked up to where Fjord had and joined in as she cackled, “You were right!” On top of the tower was a large bed, and gleaming in the moonlight on Jester’s fingers were three new rings. Shaking with laughter Fjord asked, “Did you get her room too?” She smirked and replied, “Who do you think I am, a total beginner? Of course I did!”


End file.
